A nymphomaniac worm controls Riker’s mind and body to seduce the Enterprise's female crew. Nobody notices, it eventually dies of old age.
— TNG Season 8 (@TNG_S8) February 15, 2013
Diablo goes to the doctor for with some congestion. Doctor tells him he's got a buildup of nephalem in his lungs.
— Scott Johnson (@scottjohnson) February 15, 2013
<facebook friend> is listening to Nickelback on Spotify. <facebook friend> has been unfriended.
— Rush#1976 (@Seraph1337) February 16, 2013
"Serving Size: 2 cookies" Hahah haha HAHAAHahaahaah ahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH hahahhaahahaa ahahhahaa hahahaaaaa
— Jasmine Hruschak (@irljasmine) February 16, 2013
Uh. Oh. Stuck improvising the sleep wear for tonight. Help me Laundry-Wan Kenobi, you're my only spring-fresh hope. #LaundryDay
— Marc (@shamanrongar) February 16, 2013
Dear JJ Abrams,If you screw up the new Star Wars movie, I will start calling you Jar Jar Abrams.Sincerely,Darth.
— Darth Vader (@DepressedDarth) February 16, 2013
And now listening to Snap! "I've Got The Power" - that song is essentially the soundtrack of a pounding headache.
— Marc (@shamanrongar) February 18, 2013
When the Hulu guy says, "The following program is brought to you by The Following.", i.e. the drama on FOX, I laugh.
— Scott Johnson (@scottjohnson) February 18, 2013
I want to wake up tomorrow and have this same meal again for the rest of all time like Groundhog Day
— Ryon_D (@Ryon_D) February 19, 2013
Giving this kid a bath is like washing a car as it drives down the street.
— Jason (@fenjayminor) February 20, 2013
When the cat lies down next to you and you think he wants to snuggle but instead he starts loudly cleaning his genitals.
— Jennifer de Guzman (@Jennifer_deG) February 20, 2013
Just had a quadruple shot latte. Coffee has no HOLY JESUS I’M FLYING! I’M FLYING! WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
— FoosieMoosie (@dreamwatch) February 20, 2013
In my day Harlem Shake cost fifteen dollars and was mainly stems and seeds.
— alan tudyk (@alan_tudyk) February 20, 2013
I think I just figured out what the difference between my 10 year old self and my now self is: I no longer want to get dizzy on purpose.
— Scott Johnson (@scottjohnson) February 20, 2013
I've been waiting 2 days for the dirty dishes fairy to come in and clean up the mess but she still hasn't arrived. Bitch.
— Anne Wheaton (@AnneWheaton) February 21, 2013
Cat has apparently decided he's needy tonight after knocking over the trash can three fucking times today. Naturally I'm petting him.
— Folami (@CasualFolami) February 21, 2013
I just realized most of my day revolves around liquids. Tea, pee. Water, pee. Kombucha, pee. Tea, pee. Wine, pee. Water, pee.
— Skylar Grey (@SkylarGrey) February 21, 2013
Took a three hour nap. Woke up at 9pm. Had soda. Estimated bed time: never.
— Jasmine Hruschak (@irljasmine) February 22, 2013
.@jimmyfallon Game on, Jimmy. See you soon! -mo twitter.com/FLOTUS/status/…
— FLOTUS (@FLOTUS) February 22, 2013