"We are sad to report the victim died from leg suffocation."

Skinny jeans.

Super skinny jeans.

Jeggings.

...all proof that I am too old for the Junior's section.

Well, maybe I could pull them off, if I had no shame. I'm skinny. But in the same way I can't tolerate high heels for the fact they ruin my feet, I can't tolerate fabric squeezing the blood out of my leg veins - although now that I write that, I wonder if skinny jeans would be a good exchange for people who need leg compression socks?

I found myself in Ross, similar to TJ Maxx and Marshall's in the way that it's the organized thrift store for new things, also known as The Treasure Hunt for Grown-up Cara Who Has Zero Patience to Go Through Thrift Store Racks Anymore. I spied a pair of jeans in my size that had a big sticker-tag down the pant leg: "WANNA BETTA BUTT? these jeans are cut to make yo ass look fantastic!" ...or something along those lines. Of course I tried those babies on! And yes, they transformed my pancake butt into Nicki Minaj butt. Amazing! But my legs. *cringe* Oh lawdy, my legs! Now, the jeans I wore into the store I consider skinny jeans. When I bought them I thought they were sooo skinny and looked weird compared to the flares and boot-legs I had been used to. But compared to the new style of skinny jeans? They may as well be 34" JNCO elephant pants (a term my mom lovingly coined JNCOs when I wanted them as a teenager!).

 vs.

 

I tried them on twice, just to be sure. I also tried on two different sizes and the legs were equally as O GAD O GAD I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS in each. Dilemma: choose between fabulous butt and discomfort, or regular butt and jeans I can actually walk in? Well, adult-Cara thinking won out because I didn't buy them. I lamented to the dressing room attendant of this fact, saying, "I'm too old for that!" She asked how old I was. "29." "And you're still wearing Blizzard shirts." Oof.

I was wearing my "Garrosh wants YOU!" t-shirt because for some reason I've gotten into the teenage-Cara style of jeans and t-shirts as my main style and the adult-Cara mentality of not giving a crap what I look like. Okay, maybe I give a little crap. Hahaha. I don't wear clothes that are 10x too big on me anymore. I at least try to get clothes that fit me remotely well. But I can still get away with wearing clothes of a younger style, even t-shirts with cartoonish designs on them, because of how my body is shaped (um, like a stickly, curveless teenager). So this is what people talked about when they said looking young would benefit me as I grew up! I'm 29 going on 19, it seems. I wonder if, by the time 30 rolls around next year, I will dress "my age?" If those fabulous Calvin Klein dresses I tried on are any clue,... maybe. ;)

Oh, and can I just say, it's awesome to have a girl randomly comment on my gaming-related attire like that? Usually it's dudes who are like, yay Warcraft! which is awesome too, to find people in real life who like the same game as me. But to realize "girl gamers" are not as unique as discussions on the internet would make one believe is pretty freaking sweet.