In which I tell myself, "No excuses, play like a champion!" (Related: Wedding Crashers is one of my favorite movies.) Lately I have felt like I have nothing to say, nothing interesting to warrant posting a "real blog entry" about. Pfft. Excuses. I have plenty to write about, if I would only just show up. Even if it's just word vomit, so to speak.
So I sit at home, in front of my computer, drinking a cup of slowly-cooling English breakfast tea with a spoonful of sugar and a splash of whole milk. Yup, whole milk. If I'm going to bother drinking dairy, it's going to be the good stuff. It was a toss-up between that and heavy cream, but I'll save that one for strong coffee later.
My "work area" is cluttered, dirty, and well-used. Bottles of nail polish, tiny post-its, notebooks, a bottlecap with a dragon on it from a funky huckleberry flavored soda I drank weeks ago. I had no idea huckleberry tasted so good! Or was that the sugar in the soda? Hm. I've never seen a real huckleberry, to my knowledge, but apparently they exist - so says the internet. What else? Tic tacs from Grandma, a "dust destroyer" container of compressed air that ends up getting used more to scare the cats with the hissing noise than actually cleaning computer innards. A hairbrush, a cat hairbrush, a glue stick, a rarely used headset. Happy mail from Book of Days ladies and birthday cards and a Williamsburg tourist magazine on my PC. Scissors, tape, a USB flash drive. Things. I collect things. Like a messy magnet, they come my way and plop into my daily surroundings and stay there till I get too overwhelmed and feel the need to clear space. Till then, they are little friends that remind me of who I am and what I enjoy doing. Is that a hoarder mentality? Maybe, but I do try to clean when the dust gets too bad, so maybe not.
I feel like this summer hasn't really been summer-y, to me. I have stayed inside most of the time, venturing out with my air conditioned car to air conditioned stores when need be. I've avoided getting sunburnt by not even going into the sun most of the time. I feel for those who don't have air conditioning. I'm spoiled with it. But without it, I'd be miserable. Me + heat = a big fat NOPE. I contemplate if moving out of the Tidewater, Virginia area would allow me to have better summer experiences, but I know there are pros and cons no matter where you live. Here? The pro is beauty. I can look out my window to -green-. Plants and animals surround me. Even though I look out the window to a hazy sky that screams HI, I'M HUMID!, I can still look out my window at the trees. I can still hear the birds chirping merrily. I can watch the squirrels battle each other in the backyard for yummy goodies, and the deer chomping down my sorely ignored hostas in the front yard. Sometimes I see a pair of white ducks float by and watch gleefully, knowing they're serene on top and paddling like crazy under the water. Those are the pros. The cons are many: ticks, mosquitos, humidity as mentioned, potential for sunburn, pollen of all kinds to irritate my allergies. Nature's little annoyances.
And yet, the motivation to improve on the inside of my dwelling space while the outside feels "off limits" is not striking me, either. I have a habit of buying everything I need for a project, then setting the stuff aside and being distracted by something, usually via the computer and internet. It's too easy to just sit and read and play the day away. Even things I enjoy doing end up getting forgotten and ignored. But as much as some may think that the actions of an addict, I know it's of my own choosing, not from any chemical dependence in my brainstuffs. When my body feels like crud the majority of the time, it's either sleep or plop in front of the computer. It's not that I can't do things, it's that I don't want to, because I know I will feel like crayp afterwards. And I'd rather not feel like a pile of doodoo if I can help it. Now, if I had Samantha Stevens style magic nose twitching abilities, my house would be totally spotless and picked up and remodeled and AWESOME. All that's missing is the energy. Oh, energy. I see children running around and wonder how they have so much, and where mine went. I guess that's a sign of adulthood, eh?
So, yay for being human, with all my flaws, fears, and excuses. I'm constantly working to overcome mine. How 'bout you?
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